Help Wanted: Ask for Help and Accept It the Way It Comes

Help Wanted Sign

We post a “Help Wanted” sign, but when people answer the call we turn them away.

How many of you ask for help decorating the Christmas tree and then cringe every time someone places an ornament? How many of you ask for help with the dishes and then rearrange how things are placed in the dishwasher, or re-stack the dishes? Raise those hands high.

Now…..This week I want you to ask for help with at least one thing. One thing that will somehow make your life easier. Then when you ask for help with this one thing, don’t try to control how it’s done. Just stand back and let whomever you ask to help you do it in their own way; without fussing at or judging them. If you ask your husband to help you cook dinner, and he uses all the wrong pots and pans, and does everything differently, let him. If you ask your kids to help you fold the laundry and they don’t fold the towels the way that you would, let them do it.

This sounds like such a simple task, but it is SO hard for so many of us. It requires us to show vulnerability, to admit that we can’t do it all ourselves. To some, this is like admitting total defeat.

“I can help open these. Seriously guys, just let me get in there. What about this little one on the top?”

My sweet husband offered to do the dishes for me the other day. He knew that I’d had a long day and I was tired. We were talking about something so I stood there for a minute while he was washing, to finish our conversation. Watching him wash and stack the dishes got to be so distracting that I couldn’t pay attention to our conversation. He was doing everything all wrong (translation = not how I normally do it). When I suddenly realized what I was doing I busted out laughing. He asked what I was laughing at. I said, “I have a post coming up about asking for help and then letting people do it their way and I’m standing here stressing out over you not stacking the dishes the right way”.

Even though I try really hard not to do this, I still find myself doing it occasionally. It is really hard for me to ask for help at all. I want to be able to do things myself. I don’t want to bother people. I want to do it all and then some. But in reality, I need help. We all do. Sometimes I can be Super Woman, but sometimes even Super Woman needs help from her friends.

Too many times we ask someone to do something for us and then we stand over them and tell them how to do it. We ask for their help, but when they don’t do it exactly as we would, we get frustrated and take it back, or worse, we do it over. Doing these things defeats the entire purpose of asking for help in the first place. We ask for help so that we have the time to do something else. If we are standing over someone, telling them how to do the thing we asked them to do, then we aren’t doing anything else we need or want to do. If we fuss at them for not doing things the way we would, then they start to wonder why they agreed to help in the first place. This only serves to make them less likely to offer help in the future. It also robs them of the benefits of helping you.

“Excuse me…..that’s not the right way to do that.”

Ask for help, and then accept it in the way it is given.

What does any of this have to do with creativity and living our dream?

Asking for help, and accepting it, gives you a little extra time to do something that you want to do. It relieves some of your workload and thus your stress. Asking for help is an often overlooked form of self care. For people who try to take on everything themselves, this is a big deal. Once you allow yourself to ask for help, and accept it, you can start to zero in a little more on what it is that you would LIKE to be doing. You can start to find those things that you enjoy doing just because they are fun. You can begin to take the steps needed to find and start living the life that you dream of. You will have the time to do the things you know you need to do to help yourself feel your best.

Too many of us get caught up in doing everything for those around us. We may say, “If I don’t do it, then who will?”. We may be subconsciously using our to-do list as an excuse to play the victim. “I’m so busy I just don’t have time for myself anymore.” Or we may be using busyness to hide from certain emotions that we don’t want to feel.

Some people actually stay busy to avoid doing what they love to do. “Why would anyone do this? That’s just crazy!” I see people doing this all the time. They have a dream that they want to follow, but they are too scared to take that first step towards making their dream happen. They stay so busy that they “don’t have time” to move forward. This is just another way of allowing doubt and fear to stop you in your tracks. You’re not confident enough in yourself and your dream to get started making it happen, so you use busyness as an excuse to stay where you are.  

So, ask for help. Allow people to help you in their own way. Then use that time to move yourself toward where you want to be in your life.

Flying high and loving life.

It’s not always easy the first few times you ask for help. (I’ve found that leaving the room helps.) It gets easier and easier the more you do it. You’ll start to appreciate the fact that people are willing to help and that you have more time to do other things. You may even learn more about yourself and those around you in the process.

If you need help getting started with asking for help, here are a couple of good articles:

  1. 7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help (and Get It) | Psychology Today According to what I’ve learned, 3, 5, and 7 are especially true.
  2. How to Ask for Help and Actually Get It – NY Times Tim Herrera

What do you have trouble letting others help with? What did you ask for help with this week? Let us know in the comments.

The Novel Turtle Presents: Q&A with Kristi Slaughter, Radio Host

This week I interviewed my friend Kristi Slaughter, a radio talk show host (among many other things). Her show airs on Saturday mornings from 9-11 on WFHG Supertalk 92.9 FM. I’ve been in the studio a few times while she has been doing her show. It’s always so fun to watch her do what she does because you can tell that she loves what she is doing. It comes through in every aspect of the show. Part of our goal here at The Novel Turtle is to inspire people to find what they love to do. Kristi is an inspiration to us because she follows her passions, she does what she loves to do, and she encourages others to do the same.

1) What made you want to do a radio show?

 I’ve always enjoyed public speaking, even as a child in school. I’d look for every opportunity to talk! Radio was a natural progression for me to share with others. I have spent time working in the television industry but there’s something extremely special about radio. There are similarities between both arts, but in radio, you’re painting a picture with only your voice and energy. 

2) Was this something that you always wanted to do?

 I got bitten by the “radio bug” when I was 16. A local DJ heard that I was interested in radio. He graciously took his time to give me a tour of the station and let me read the weather report on his show. My love for radio was ignited that day and will remain in my heart forever. Consider being a mentor; you never know what difference you can make in someone’s life. 

3) What is your favorite thing about doing the show?

 My favorite thing about the show is the opportunity to meet new people and learn about their story. Everyone on earth is playing a particular part in what we are creating. I receive much enjoyment in assisting my guests in communicating their passions with the world. 

4) What is your least favorite thing about doing the show?

My least favorite thing about the show is when guests fail to appear. The majority of the time, my guests are very dependable about their appearances. However, when a guest is a no show, it can be very challenging to fill the interview block.

5) How do you choose the subjects that you’re going to talk about and guests you’re going to talk to?

 I enjoy covering a variety of subjects on my show. The topics for my show are chosen based on upcoming events, topics listeners suggest, areas that I’m passionate about, and sometimes are even divinely guided. Since I’ve been working for several years on the program, I often have publishing companies and outside organizations who contact me to be potential guests.

6) What are your favorite subjects to cover?

My favorite subjects to cover are subjects that inspire, educate and motivate the listener. I don’t necessarily have a particular topic that’s my favorite to speak about. For me it’s more about the excitement and energy behind the message. 

7) What is the most interesting thing that you have learned from your guests so far?

Everyone has a past, a present, and a future. I’ve learned that people are so different in many ways and yet most of the underlying themes throughout life are often the same. We all have seasons of ease, joy, and bliss. Yet, we all have times of growth and challenges. The most interesting thing that I’ve learned is how so many of my guest have used the trials and perceived struggles in their life as springboards for something great and many times magnificent. 

8) Are you ever nervous about doing your show, doing the interviews with guests, or doing commercials?

Over time, I’ve become less nervous. However, there’s always an underlying feeling of excitement and anticipation, particularly with live radio and television. I think that’s one of the aspects that makes live media so much fun. This creates somewhat of an adrenaline rush. There’s a level of uncertainty because anything can happen! 

9) You and your producer, Rick, banter back and forth about things sometimes. Do the two of you plan what you’re going to say? Or is it all improv?

I’m the host of the show and Rick is my producer. Rick works the board and does the production and broadcasting aspects. When I developed the platform, I thought it would be interesting to have Rick join me for the show opener and the closing. Depending on my guest and the interview topic, he will occasionally participate. I think my listeners enjoy our banter for the most part. The dialogue between us is not rehearsed, which I think adds an extra dimension of personality to the show. I have certain key points, interview information, and events that I want to make sure are covered, then I decide when to address Rick and have him join the conversation. 

10) What is something that surprised you the most about radio when you were first learning about how to do your show/structure things?

When I first began as a radio host, I worked for a non-profit station for approximately 3 ½ years. Most of these segments were 30-minute pre-recorded programs that I produced myself. I then made the transition to my current radio position at a for-profit station. While there are some similarities, there are many differences working with a 2-hour live program with ads, news breaks etc. It took a while for me to get accustomed to my new platform but it was a positive change. There’s a certain amount of excitement that comes with live programming and also a certain amount of risk. I think that’s what makes the type of programming that I’m doing now so special. 

11) Do you have any tips for anyone who wants to get started in radio?

In the age of the internet, it’s very simple to start practicing your skills using an online platform. Finding something you’re passionate about and that you want to share with others is crucial in relaying a genuine and unique message. I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease 15 years ago. Through a journey of self-discovery and exploration in the field of wellness, I had a desire to share my story with people. My first radio program was about health and wellness. I chose the name “Beyond Wellness” and focused on a personal connection with my listeners. I still have a passion for health and wellness but I have also branched out in many more subjects based on current events. I recommend contacting your local college radio stations. These are not paid positions; however, they are an excellent opportunity to practice your trade, develop a listener base, and contribute to the community. 

12) When you’re on live radio, anything can happen and you have to fix it (sometimes while you’re on the air). When things have gone wrong on the show (a computer freezes up, an ad doesn’t play right, something gets erased), what are some of the creative ways that you have of handling the situation?

My favorite description of my show is “relaxed and organic”. My hosting style is very casual which is extremely helpful when “those situations” arise. During one show, a dog entered the studio and ran right into my lap! Even though it was a sweet and rather large dog, I was surprised and caught off guard. I decided to share the experience with my listeners instead of panicking. There’s been all sorts of interesting mishaps during live shows, including a microphone that fell off the stand and into my lap. Sometimes I’ll share these events if they need to be addressed or if they make the show interesting. If not, I pretend like they never happened and move right along. This was the case one day when my microphone was turned on during the commercial break.

13) Because The Novel Turtle is all about creativity, we ask everyone this question: What is your definition of creativity?

Self-expression is my definition of creativity- existing in this beautiful world as you truly are. Creativity is a picture of your uniqueness and individuality. This can be expressed or un-expressed in any way that’s right for you. God and the universe love variety. I think it’s our weirdness that makes us special! 

14) Do you do other creative type things?

My background is in dance and the arts. I began college as a double major in dance and mass communication. I dropped my mass communication degree and continued pursuing my dance degree. For years after graduating, I regretted not continuing the communications concentration. Fast forward approximately 15 years and I was invited to be a guest on a local radio show. Just a few short weeks later, I found myself pitching a show, preparing a pilot and beginning the career I always hoped for. 

15) How do people find you/get into contact with you if they are interested in listening to the show, scheduling an interview with you, or booking you for an event? (Email, phone number, website, etc.)

If people are interested in learning more, they can visit me at: www.kristislaughter.com

Email me at: kristisupertalk@gmail.com

Or call: 276-591-6552

Listen to Kristi’s show every Saturday on WFHG Supertalk 92.9 FM from 9-11 am.

Thank you Kristi for joining me this week and for sharing one of your many passions with us!

Have you ever wanted to host your own talk show on the radio? Is this something that you have dreamed of doing, but fear keeps getting in the way? Use this as your sign to try something new this week. Even if you just record yourself on your phone.